A Grandparent’s Gift
You are never too old to help your grandchild learn. In fact, as a grandparent you have a special role to play in helping your grandchildren, a role that only you can fulfill. If you do not take on this role not only will your grandchildren be missing out on the special ways you can enhance their learning but you will be missing wonderful times together, times when you share special moments and create memories. I still remember sitting with one of my grandmothers as she showed me how to draw birds with letters in their beaks, and how to make the wonderful cursive letters that she had been taught to use.
Unfortunately I was never close to my other grandmother. She lived some distance away and we were only able to visit her once or twice a year. As you can tell, this was some time ago, well before everyone had easy access to modern forms of communication. But I still feel a sense of loss at not having got to know her well. I know that she had a wealth of stories culled from her hard life and I wish I could have heard more and shared more of my life with her. Well, too late now, but maybe not too late for you to prevent your grandchildren missing the special relationship that comes from helping him or her learn.
After retiring from the classroom I started to work with parents to help them find ways to help their children learn. I know that when parents are involved in their child’s education children have a better chance of succeeding in school and I want to make sure that parents understand all the ways that they can help. What surprised me was the number of grandparents who look after their grandchildren and want to help them too. I remember one day as I was walking to my classroom I saw a grandparent sitting outside her grandson’s kindergarten class, waiting to take him home after school. This grandmother was Chinese and was reading a book on how to speak English. I stopped and complimented her on learning something new that would help her grandson. I told her that it would be a great help to him if she could speak two languages. She shook her head; I tried to reassure her, that speaking two languages was good. Again she shook her head, held up four fingers and said, Chinese, Vietnamese, French and English! This Grandmother could speak four languages! What an asset for her grandson and what a lesson for me!
Many years and much research later I finally understand the important role that parents and grandparents can ply in helping children learn; I understand how children need both a caring teacher and a loving family to be all that they can be. I also understand the crucial differences between how a teacher helps a child learn and how family members can help children learn and that when parents try to act as teachers children miss the valuable learning that only a parent can provide. I also understand the time pressures on parents and that, with the best will in the world, they are not always able to spend time and energy helping their children learn. That is why you, the grandparent, are such an important and necessary part of your grandchild’s learning life.
But how can you help? You are not a teacher, or if you are teaching methods will have changed since you were in school, and I do not want you to try and act like a teacher. Your grandchild needs you to help him or her learn in a different way. In fact in three ways; I call them ‘Show, Grow and Know©’
1. ‘Show’
Children learn from seeing what you do and how you do things. You have vast experience in doing things and in working things out. You were doing things and solving problems well before they were born. You have learned many things that could benefit your grandchild. When your grandchild comers across a problem the chances are that you too had a problem like it and that somehow you worked it out. Your grandchild needs to understand that he or she is never going to come across new problems, just old ones in a new form, and because you have worked out how to handle the problems in your life you can help your grandchild do the same.
Yes, new technology has changed the way that some problems are solved, the use of instant messaging and other tools means more social interaction takes place at a distance, but the basic issues remain the same. Never let new technological ways of interacting distract you from the basics of a problem. In fact, you may want to ask your grandchild to show you how this technology works so that you at least know what he or she is talking about!
Another aspect of ‘Show’ that is important is to show where you come from, to show what life was like when you were young and how cultural norms have changed. All children are fascinated by where they come from, what life in the family was like before they were around. You need to show them who they are, where they belong, what their background is. Not all children will feel grateful for this information all the time, it will depend on what stage of life they are in and what their interests are, but all children will at some time be glad that you took the time to tell them about their background and to keep the family photographs and maybe even write names on the back of them. I know of more than one grown up person who wishes that he or she had the family photos and that they were not thrown away!
2. ‘Grow’
By ‘grow’ I mean help your grandchild develop their interests and learn about new ones. Take the time to ask about their hobbies and sports games and even add some of your own stories to the mix. When parents are busy and stressed you may be able to take the time to go to a ball game with your grandchild or to get him a book on a topic that interests him or her. You can help your grandchild expand his or her interests because you know how to expand them; you have had your own interests and been able to take them in different directions. Now you can help your grandchild do the same.
You can also introduce your grandchild to your interests and skills. For instance I am forever grateful to my grandmother for teaching me how to knit and to my grandfather for teaching me how to grow vegetables. You may have other skills and interests that you can share with them; even if they appear to be are uninterested at first, they might come to appreciate being involved in these activities later in life. Oh, I can also change a tire on motorbike because of my grandfather, but that is not a skill I want to use again!
You can also let your grandchild know that it is OK to make mistakes as I expect that you have made a few in your life and know how it feels! Young children often think that adults know everything and never get things wrong; as a result when they get things wrong they are often very hard on themselves, with your experience of getting things wrong and surviving to tell the tale you can show them that mistakes are there to be learned from.
3. ‘Know’
You can help your grandchild learn by ‘knowing’ when he or she is doing well or having a problem in school. If you have a close relationship with your grandchild you may the first to know that he or she is having problems in school. You can either try to help him or her solve the problem or you can suggest ways that your grandchild can get extra help.
You probably have a pretty good idea about your grandchild’s stage of development and can help his of her parents understand when there is a problem. After all, parents may have very little experience with children other than their own and you can be a bridge between how their child is developing and how other children are expected to develop.
You also know the kind of support parents need when they are trying to help their child learn or when they are coping with a child with learning difficulties. You may even be able to act as the go-between for school and home, ensuring that information gets passed smoothly between the two learning contexts.
So, you have a lot to offer your grandchild, a lot that will help him or her know more, understand more and become a better learner. One caveat! While there is plenty that you can do to help your grandchild, make sure that you tell his parents what you are doing and why. Children learn from people they love and it would be very sad if the people they love and can learn from disagree about what is happening.
Have fun, enjoy sharing and learning together and create memories for both of you. And let me know how you get on.
Dr Patricia Porter
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Dr. Patricia Porter, The Learning Therapist
Creator of the "Leading to Learning Diagnostic Assessment (tm)"
778-733-0543 (toll free)
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